Time to Laugh: 8 Things You Shouldn’t Do on Taper

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Time to Laugh: 8 Things You Shouldn’t Do on Taper

By Morgan Pestorius

Taper is the most wonderful time of the year, and it serves as the best excuse for why you can’t do anything except lay around and watch Netflix. Just print out this article and carry it around to use as a get out of jail free card!

1. Take Out the Trash

During taper, you don’t have to take the garbage out at night when the monsters can come and get you. That would be way too much energy, and also very dangerous. Thanks taper for saving my life.

2. Shovel the Driveway

shovel

With all these winter snowstorms, your parents will be asking you to bundle up and shovel the driveway. Thanks to taper, you can stay inside with the hot chocolate while your siblings freeze outside.

3. Participate in Gym Class

Dodgeball

Swimmers are already the most uncoordinated athletes on the face of the earth. The last thing you need is to attempt to play soccer and end up twisting your ankle the day before your championship meet. It’ll be safer just to sit out for a few classes.

4. Carry Groceries

groceries

In a swimmer household, there are plenty of groceries to satisfy their insatiable appetites, which means there are lots of groceries to unload from the car. Usually you would have to unload it because it is your food, but now your family has to carry the full load.

5. Take the Stairs

stairs

Why take stairs when elevators are available? That energy you save could be what gets you a best time in your race.

6. Save Kittens from Trees

mr incredible

As much as you want to be just like Mr. Incredible (ripping a tree out of the ground and shaking a cat from its branches), that just takes too much energy.

7. Help Old Ladies Cross the Street

street

You can’t risk breaking taper by walking that extra block to help grandma cross the street. Best save that for the boy scouts.

8. Do homework

Photo Courtesy: Johannes Jansson

Photo Courtesy: Johannes Jansson

Swimming is half mental, so you need to rest your brain to make sure you are sharp. You need to be worrying about racing strategies, not derivatives. Okay…maybe you shouldn’t quit homework.

63 comments

  1. Peggy Price

    This just isn’t feasible for a 13 year old!!

    • avatar
      Dave Joensen

      Haha Aby – I’m onto you.

    • avatar
      Dave Joensen

      No funny stuff, Chloe

  2. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  3. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  4. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  5. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  6. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  7. Max Bock

    Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

  8. Dawn Motta

    Sandy Armstrong Barrett Kelly Flannigan Soh grace agrees wholeheartedly!

  9. Sammy Marceddo

    I like this kind of taper! Thomas Ramsay, Ciaran Plenty, Tomas Muller Ally Ashley

    • Ciaran Plenty

      Also: cleaning up dog poo & unstacking the dishwasher… wouldn’t want to accidentally strain your lower back.

    • Ciaran Plenty

      Hanging out the washing also has the potential to wear out those all important shoulder muscles.

  10. Kim McJannett

    Carl Wilson / it wasn’t Lily’s fault – she didn’t have to take out the trash !!!!

  11. Carl Wilson

    Taper or no taper it seems my kids don’t think they need to participate in day to day house duties that are deemed beneath them
    In fact they don’t do anything even when asked 10 times and at that point as it escalates to a point of no return they say “you don’t understand”

    I understand that children need to do their bit too!

  12. Noelle Tolbert

    I laughed out loud about them being uncoordinated in gym. My daughter can trip walking on a completely flat surface.

  13. Katie Hauser

    Addison Peitz Adrienne Kusek Joseph Kelly Brodrick Emanuel Layne Uecker Brianna Geigle soooo…not doing anything physical or mental for the next month

  14. David Čustić

    Petar Galić David Salamon Mark David Lovro Draginić evo decki ahahah

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