Emily Mason’s World Championships Diary

By Emily Mason

MONTREAL, Canada, July 28. I’M done. It went by that fast. I really wanted to make finals (of the 200 butterfly), to be that swimmer I know I am, but again I missed my mark.

I am at the point in my career where I want to keep swimming, but I have very few indicators that I should keep doing so. We all have good meets and bad meets, but what do you do when you can’t seem to get it together. I want to be that person that screams in excitement and throws their arms up in the air in victory, but I won’t be doing that here. Sure I’ve done it before. NCAAs have been great to me but it is the international prowess that helps our careers stay afloat.

So, I find myself at a junction of some kind. I love to swim, I love being on these teams, but with the performances I have had I almost feel out of place, like I’m not carrying my weight. I love this so much, but I’m not sure how to keep going without improvement. I haven’t had a best time long course in some time, in more than one event.

I suppose the fact that it still is fun and I get upset when I think about giving it up is the only indicator I have to keep on pushing myself. I am having the best time in Montreal, making new friends and chatting up old ones. The swim won’t keep me down for long. It’s easier to let things go when you’re in such a positive atmosphere, plus, most of my family is here.

I’m not sure how to feel at this moment, I’m mad and disappointed, but I also know I have to let it go. After all, my season isn’t over. I still have Nationals and Duel in the Pool. Maybe things will still work out, just not when I wanted them to.

A member of the Tucson Ford Swim Club, Emily Mason is representing the United States in the 200-meter butterfly at the World Championships in Montreal. At the 2005 NCAA Championships, the University of Arizona swimmer won the 500-yard freestyle and placed second in the 200 fly and 400 individual medley. She’ll provide SwimmingWorldMagazine.com with regular diary entries through the conclusion of the World Champs.