The Sacrifices of an International Student Swimming In America

By Seren Jones, Swimming World College Intern

It’s hard being a dreamer. It’s even harder wanting to achieve your dreams, knowing that they extend beyond your nation’s geographical boundaries. Away from your loved ones and the comfort of your abode. Away from your childhood and high school memories. Away from all you know and all you’re used to. But this is the ultimate sacrifice and consequence of one who has fallen for big dreams and wanderlust. This is the ultimate sacrifice of an international student. If you didn’t think it was possible to win and lose in life simultaneously, you’ve been greatly mistaken.

Airports make the decisions, memories, and experiences immensely bittersweet. With anything from a light three hours to a grueling 13 hours of waiting, killing time, and traveling, it’s inevitable your emotions will sneak up on you. Their presence smothers you with uncertainty and doubt. The “ifs'” “buts” and “maybes” tear you between home and away. Between your comfort zone and your “living on the edge” opportunity. Between you and them.

The goodbyes never get easier. Having lived in four different countries, on three different continents, and currently in my third year of living abroad, one would think that the valediction process would be mastered by now. But every time it reluctantly rolls around it lingers in the air like a cloud of grey smog, pressuring me to question my selfish needs and desires. But I’m not the only one struggling. The tone in my mom’s voice loses its enthusiasm and is replaced with fragility, while the expression in my dad’s eyes shifts from wild to winded.

Is it wrong of me to leave them after 18 years? To bring tears to their eyes every time I say, “I’ll be back before you know it”? Even though it’s not entirely true? Are my dreams breaking those of my parents? Or just breaking them in general? How far is too far? How big is too big? Do dreams have limits? If so, where are mine? The questions I ask myself are endless and haunt me for the duration of my airport visit.

But then there are the other elements to consider in this mind-boggling equation. The reasons I wake up and train twice a day. The reasons we became back-to-back conference champions. The reasons I made it to NCAAs. The reasons I maintain my GPA. The reasons I appreciate where I am and dread the day it comes to an end. Memories of my teammates and coaches flood my mind, taking over the guilt and uncertainty.

As a wave of nostalgia envelops me, I’m saved by an American Airlines hostess announcing the boarding of flight 105 to JFK International Airport. As I miserably attempt and fail to gather myself and my thoughts, I’m informed by my BlackBerry of the new email that lies in my Yahoo! inbox. “We miss you already. Keep going.” Reduced to tears of both sorrow and laughter, I board the plane and continue chasing my dream.

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