37 Things You’ll Never Hear a Swimmer Say

By Chandler Brandes (From the Archive)

Swimmers spend the majority of our time with our faces in the water staring at a black line lap after lap. Although we don’t get the opportunity to speak too often during practice, when we do get the chance to talk, we have a lot to say.

In the rare instance when our heads are above water, I can assure you you’ll never hear us say these 37 things:

1. Waking up before 5 a.m. really builds character.

2. I’d much rather take the stairs than the elevator.

3. It only takes me, like, 2 minutes to put my tech suit on.

4. My goggle marks really accentuate the dark circles under my eyes.

5. I always cool down after my races, especially on the last night after finals.

6. I never lose count during a set.

7. I love when my teammate shakes the counter on the first lap of the mile.

Photo Courtesy: Annie Grevers

8. I’ve never peed in the pool.

9. Darn, I was hoping today wasn’t a recovery practice.

10. Really? I had no idea I smelled like chlorine.

11. I always make sure I breathe to the side of the pool Coach is standing on.

Photo Courtesy: Taylor Brien

12. I hope it’s the 1650 and not the 1000 at this dual meet.

13. Ugh, do we have to wear fins for this set?

14. I hope I have dry skin for the rest of my life.

15. I’ve never timed my cap ripping at exactly the right moment.

16. I’m so excited for Christmas training.

17. The bus doesn’t come for 5 more minutes! That’s okay, I’ll just walk to class instead.

18. I’ve never faked being sick to get out of practice.

19. I always leave exactly five seconds behind my teammate.

Photo Courtesy: Glenn Mills

20. Distance swimmers: I’m so glad I’m not a sprinter.

21. Sprinters: I wish I was a distance swimmer.

22. Taper starts today? I’d rather train through Championships.

Photo Courtesy: Griffin Scott

23. I don’t want to work on starts and turns at the end of practice.

24. I love how hairy my legs are.

25. Of course I didn’t purposely DQ so I wouldn’t have to swim again at night.

26. I never pull on the lane line during backstroke.

Photo Courtesy: Peter H. Bick

27. Nah, I don’t want that extra plate of food, I’m full.

28. I love shopping for clothes. Everything fits my shoulders perfectly.

29. I’m always bright eyed and bushy tailed after morning practice.

30. I’m not sore at all!

Alicia Coutts collapses on pool deck after another hard set at training. University of Auburn Aquatic Centre, Alabama USA. Australian Olympic Swimming Team are in their final training staging Camp before heading over to the Rio2016 Olympic Games. July 30 2016. Photo by Delly Carr. Pic credit mandatory for complimentary exclusive editorial usage. Thank You.

Photo Courtesy: Delly Carr / Swimming Australia Ltd.

31. The sound of my alarm in the morning is like angels singing.

32. I hate napping.

33. Nothing beats diving into a cold pool at 5 in the morning.

Photo Courtesy: Brian Jenkins-Vermont Athletics

34. I think everyone should always sprint warmup.

35. Yes! Coach is putting brackets around the main set!

36. I can’t wait to take a quick, cold shower after practice.

37. Eating Chipotle before practice was the best decision of my life.

All commentaries are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Swimming World Magazine nor its staff.

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