{"id":521343,"date":"2023-02-07T06:10:57","date_gmt":"2023-02-07T13:10:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/?p=521343"},"modified":"2023-02-07T06:10:57","modified_gmt":"2023-02-07T13:10:57","slug":"a-hypothetical-evening-at-dinner-for-the-four-strokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/a-hypothetical-evening-at-dinner-for-the-four-strokes\/","title":{"rendered":"A Hypothetical Evening at Dinner For the Four Strokes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>A Hypothetical Evening at Dinner For the Four Strokes<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The four strokes in swimming walk into a restaurant: Butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke and freestyle.\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/4-signs-that-the-butterfly-life-has-chosen-you\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Butterfly<\/a> hops, skips, and wiggles its way through the rusted door. Backstroke, oddly enough, walks backward. Breaststroke propels itself through a window into a booth seat. Freestyle walks in like it owns the place.<\/p>\n<p>Below, you will find an incredibly abstract portrayal of how I believe the four strokes (if they were people) would enjoy an evening of fine dining from a first person point of view. I will provide no explanations as to why I think it would play out this way. These stories are generated by <em>vibes only<\/em>. Don&#8217;t read into it so hard, little swimmers! Simply enjoy. I hope you find it to be entertaining.<\/p>\n<h3>Butterfly<\/h3>\n<p>I walk through the door &#8212; no, I\u00a0<em>sashay<\/em> through the door, shoulders and hips swiveling with every step I take. I scan the room, as an incredibly observational individual like myself would do. The dining area? Packed. The dance floor? Packed. The bathroom? Shoot, it&#8217;s packed. I really have to pee.<\/p>\n<p>I decide to hold it, like the absolute powerhouse that I am, and prance to a table in the center of the room. There&#8217;s an obvious line of people waiting to be seated at the front, but I pretend I don&#8217;t notice. I have way more street credit than those losers. And voila, just as I expected, I&#8217;m served immediately.<\/p>\n<p>I order a 12-ounce steak and rice. Asparagus on the side, but they aren&#8217;t prepared the way I like so I don&#8217;t eat them. I don&#8217;t accept things that aren&#8217;t perfection. I work my ass off, and for what? For some crummy asparagus? Not on my watch.<\/p>\n<p>I observe my surroundings. Laughter decorates the air, dishes clank together, people sip their drinks and envelope one another in warm embraces prior to their departure. It&#8217;s all phony. So out of touch with reality. If they knew about even half of what I go through, they wouldn&#8217;t be smiling so much. Laughing so much.<\/p>\n<p>I scoff and take a bite of my steak.<\/p>\n<h3>Backstroke<\/h3>\n<p>Life is pretty strange when you view it from a different angle. I see everything that I wouldn&#8217;t normally see if my head was turned the other way. I see everything that &#8220;normal,&#8221; front-facing people miss when their head is turned the &#8220;correct&#8221; way.<\/p>\n<p>I walk in through the door backwards. I greet everyone backward. I sit at a hightop table backward.<\/p>\n<p>The waiter arrives after a pleasant amount of time. Not too quickly, not too slowly. He is confused when he sees me facing the opposite direction.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll take a water,&#8221; I say with a toothy grin. Although I&#8217;m not sure if he noticed I was smiling. I&#8217;m not even sure if he heard my order at all.<\/p>\n<p>The waiter scratches his head and backs away slowly. I can hear the rest of the restaurant buzzing, but all I can see is this red leather seat cushion.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a nice seat cushion.<\/p>\n<h3>Breaststroke<\/h3>\n<p>THE SIRENS. ARE BLARING. THE SIRENS ARE BLARING.<\/p>\n<p>AND THE ENTIRE POLICE ACADEMY IS LOOKING TO LOCK ME UP. FOR LIFE.<\/p>\n<p>I NEED TO HIDE. SOMEWHERE.<\/p>\n<p>ANYWHERE.<\/p>\n<p>I THROW MY HEAD TO THE LEFT. NOTHING.<\/p>\n<p>I THROW MY HEAD TO THE RIGHT. NOTHING.<\/p>\n<p>I PULL A 180. AAAAAAND BOOM. RESTAURANT.<\/p>\n<p>I HOP, SKIP, AND JUMP TOWARD IT. THE POLICE TELL ME TO FREEZE.<\/p>\n<p>WHY. ON. EARTH. WOULD. I. FREEZE???!!!!???!?!?!?!?!?<\/p>\n<p>I THROW MYSELF THROUGH A WINDOW OF THE RESTAURANT. I DIVE STRAIGHT THROUGH IT. GLASS SHATTERS EVERYWHERE. TIME FREEZES. IT&#8217;S SUPER DRAMATIC. STRAIGHT OUT OF AN ACTION MOVIE.<\/p>\n<p>I sit at a table and order a Diet Dr. Pepper.<\/p>\n<h3>Freestyle<\/h3>\n<p>I enter the restaurant of choice for the evening. I fully expect it to fall short of exceeding my expectations, like my restaurant experiences typically do, as I am pretty hard to please. Nobody is at the front to greet me, or seat me, or even ask for my autograph. Weird.<\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s a bell right by the register, paired with a sign that reads, &#8220;Ring for service.&#8221; I ring it, and nothing.<\/p>\n<p>I ring it again. Still nothing.<\/p>\n<p>I start ringing it to the tune of <em>Mary Had a Little Lamb.\u00a0<\/em>It&#8217;s been stuck in my head for so gosh darn long. A person in line behind me nudges me with a smile, and starts dancing like an idiot.<\/p>\n<p>Before I can blink, the entire restaurant has caught onto my tune! Everyone abandons their meals and conversations to dance and clap to the beat. Punk rock, dude!<\/p>\n<p>What was once a boring, bland, run-of-the-mill restaurant scene has transformed into a freakin <em>dance party<\/em>. I tend to have that effect on people, you know. I dust off my shoulders and lower my sunglasses to scan the room.<\/p>\n<p>I see butterfly in a corner, scoffing and eating steak for some reason. I see Backstroke &#8230; backward. I see Breaststroke sipping a Diet Dr. Pepper under a table. And I see everybody else having the time of their lives, chanting a children&#8217;s tune.<\/p>\n<p>I still haven&#8217;t received service from the restaurant staff, but I decide that I no longer need to. My work here is done.<\/p>\n<p>I put my sunglasses back on and exit the restaurant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A Hypothetical Evening at Dinner For the Four Strokes The four strokes in swimming walk into a restaurant: Butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke and freestyle.\u00a0Butterfly hops, skips, and wiggles its way through<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":60700,"featured_media":520610,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[17,122607],"tags":[25938,25274,29993,9344,131989,1844,142],"class_list":["post-521343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary","category-swim-life","tag-backstroke","tag-breaststroke","tag-butterfly","tag-freestyle","tag-restaurant","tag-strokes","tag-swimming"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\r\n<title>A Hypothetical Evening at Dinner For the Four Strokes<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A silly story about the strokes of swimming, personified, at a restaurant for dinner. 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