“Ahead of next week\u2019s Olympic Trials, some of you may have noticed that my name was not amongst the list of confirmed entries.<\/p>\n

“As many of you know, throughout my career I\u2019ve struggled with Ulcerative-Colitis, a chronic illness that can make training and competing really difficult and very unpredictable.<\/p>\n

“Since the last few months of 2020, I have been unable to train for a consistent and sustained period.<\/p>\n

“Despite my very best efforts to do so, and all that I have done to help facilitate this, unfortunately things have not gone the way that I had hoped and anticipated.<\/p>\n

“Sadly, this means that I\u2019m not in a position to compete at next week\u2019s British Swimming Championships.<\/p>\n

“I\u2019m absolutely heartbroken but so grateful for the support of my close family and friends during what has been a really tough time.<\/p>\n

“I would like to take some time to get well and decide what my next steps will be. I wish the very best to all competing swimmers next week.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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Siobhan O’Connor; Photo Courtesy: Rob Schumacher-USA TODAY Sports<\/p><\/div>\n
It had been a busy few months and O\u2019Connor returned to Bath and to lessons in preparation to take the remainder of her GCSEs at Saint Gregory\u2019s Catholic School, now with a home Games in the form of London 2012 in her sights.On to Shanghai where O\u2019Connor finished 13^{th<\/sup>\u00a0in the 200IM with a new PB on her senior debut and Renshaw came 20^{th<\/sup>\u00a0in the 200 breast.<\/p>\n}}
It wasn\u2019t long after her return that O\u2019Connor started to feel unwell.<\/p>\n
Initially she thought she had picked up a bug in Shanghai given how quickly it all came on but it didn\u2019t go away.<\/p>\n
She had uncontrolled diarrhoea \u2013 going to the toilet up to 20 times a day \u2013 intense fatigue, excruciating stomach pain and extreme soreness in her joints.<\/p>\n
So too was her sight affected.<\/p>\n
She told Swimming World:<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d wake up in the morning and I couldn\u2019t see anything for about 20 minutes. It was really bizarre.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d wake up and all my vision was really blurry for 20 minutes every morning, it was really strange \u00a0and quite scary but it was all related to the fact I was really poorly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI lost loads of weight and I couldn\u2019t keep any weight on. I remember having to have meal replacement shakes as well as food: at that age I was trying to bulk up.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was really thin and every time I was stepping on the scales my weight was going down which is not a good thing, especially for the staff who were trying to keep me in the pool and keep me fit and healthy.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
O\u2019Connor describes how on one occasion her parents, Lindsey and Sean, left her in bed asleep one Sunday morning to take her brother Ciaran to a rugby tournament.<\/p>\n
She was still asleep on their return at 6pm having slept for 19 hours.<\/p>\n
Only family, close friends and her coaching team at Bath were party to what was happening and, given the symptoms, O\u2019Connor always wanted to be close to home or to know she had access to toilets.<\/p>\n
It affected all areas of her life but still she ploughed on without a diagnosis.<\/p>\n
She said:<\/p>\n
\u201cI think because I was so young and because I thought there wasn\u2019t anything wrong with me I just tried to live my life as normal.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d still do everything and I was just massively burning the candle at both ends so I just refused to let it get the better of me really but it definitely was getting the better of me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was so completely worn out all the time. I was still at school at this point and I just used to sleep all day at school \u2013 every single lesson I\u2019d sleep.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy friends joke about it now but I don\u2019t really know how I got through some of my exams \u2013 thankfully I was quite lucky, I did a lot of them the year before in Year 10 but I just slept all through class. The teachers just let me sleep in the classroom.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
March 2012 and the trials for the British team for the Olympics. Having built her hopes up following her trip to Shanghai, O\u2019Connor was consumed by nerves that so debilitated her she finished sixth in her specialist 200IM.<\/p>\n
She \u201cwanted to go home and cry for a week\u201d and thought her chance of competing in London was gone only to qualify in the 100m breaststroke at the second stage of trials in June.<\/p>\n
GCSEs completed, O\u2019Connor did participate at a home Games, coming in 21^{st<\/sup>\u00a0in the 100 breaststroke and competing in the 4x100m medley relay where the British squad finished eighth.<\/p>\n}
The family then decamped on holiday but it was no time of sunshine and relaxation.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was really, really bad, really poorly and I think at that point my mum and dad knew it wasn\u2019t just IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) or stress or anything like that, I was in a really bad way.<\/p>\n
\u201cI picked up something like a bug and it made everything 10 times worse and I got taken to hospital and had tests and stuff.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then they told me I had ulcerative colitis.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
A Diagnosis, Lessons In Life And A Trip To The Rio Podium<\/strong><\/p>\n
$\"Siobhan-Marie$
Siobhan O’Connor: Photo Courtesy: MIKE LEWIS<\/p><\/div>\n
The condition is an inflammatory bowel disease and for almost a year O\u2019Connor had battled it undiagnosed and uncontrolled.<\/p>\n
Astonishing that she still managed to compete at the Olympics in the face of something so physically and mentally draining as well as completing her school years and turning 16.<\/p>\n
She says:<\/p>\n
\u201cI learned so many lessons that year and I think it\u2019s probably one of the biggest years of my life in a lot of ways.<\/p>\n
\u201cI achieved those things despite being really ill, it taught me it is mind over matter.<\/p>\n
\u201cSince that time I\u2019ve been really ill but I\u2019ve known I\u2019ve got colitis and I know that I can talk to my doctor but back then I didn\u2019t know and I was really, really poorly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat taught me that if I can get through that I refuse to let it get the best of me. I can get through anything really.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome things you can\u2019t get through but it\u2019s always how you react to it.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not really ever given a choice of what happens to you but your choice is how you react to it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Ulcerative colitis can flare up without warning at any time and severely impact O\u2019Connor\u2019s ability to train and by extension, her competition.<\/p>\n
Against this backdrop O\u2019Connor continued to negotiate international waters and by the time she got to Rio 2016, she had Commonwealth and European titles and world medals.<\/p>\n
She had enjoyed the longest unbroken spell of training in her career and the time and space that had given her to hone McNulty\u2019s training plan to nigh-on perfection all came together on 9 August 2016.<\/p>\n
At the\u00a0Aquatics Stadium<\/strong>\u00a0that night, O\u2019Connor won silver, closing with every stroke down the last 25 on eventual winner\u00a0Katinka Hosszu<\/strong>, as she touched second in 2:06.88.<\/p>\n
She became only the third woman in history to dip inside 2:07 after\u00a0Ariana Kukors<\/strong>\u00a0in a shiny suit in 2009 and world-record holder Hosszu.<\/p>\n
It was, she says, a dream come true.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt had all paid off when it mattered. I\u2019d held my nerve and I\u2019d had the dream race really and that is a great feeling. I know that I can do that, I know that\u2019s what I was capable of.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
It underlined her talent and potential but is there any element of her achievement in Rio being double-edged? That given good health and an unbroken spell of training, that is what she can do but sometimes her body just won\u2019t let her?<\/p>\n
\u201cI definitely get that because for me it is frustrating sometimes because I do know what I am capable of and sometimes my body does stop me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I guess that is the same for all athletes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never want it to be an excuse, it\u2019s not an excuse and I think that is one thing I\u2019ve always been scared about \u2013 that people will think if I don\u2019t swim well then this is an excuse.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why I never used to talk about it. The thing is I have achieved amazing things despite it so it\u2019s not an excuse.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut sometimes it does affect me, it really does, but that\u2019s the thing for every athlete.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople have injuries that take them out of competition, people get illness at competition.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s frustrating at times but I think it shows me what I can do when it all goes right and I think that is amazing.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
O\u2019Connor had a long break after Rio which \u2013 along with illness \u2013 led to inconsistent training and a seventh-placed finish at the 2017 worlds in 2:10.41.<\/p>\n
She does not try to explain that away, saying:<\/p>\n
\u201cThere are definitely times when I haven\u2019t deserved to swim: there are times when it\u2019s not to do with my colitis. I completely hold my hands up \u2013 that was me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut that\u2019s sport really. It ebbs and flows and is constantly up and down.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe tough times in sport are tough, they\u2019re really hard but then the highs are just amazing: I think that\u2019s what you live for.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember reading something Mel (Marshall) wrote and it said: \u2018it\u2019s a lot of days in the dark for that two minutes in the light.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd it\u2019s just so true: \u00a0those good times just make you think that every single hard time is completely worth it, there\u2019s no feeling like it and you do everything you can to get five minutes of that incredible feeling.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Flare-Up Leads To Retirement Fears And A Move To Loughborough<\/strong><\/p>\n
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Photo Courtesy: British Swimming<\/p><\/div>\n
Last year was a low point when her mental and physical health suffered so much that she feared she may have to give up.<\/p>\n
The break-up of a relationship was followed by a flare-up of her colitis in October\/November 2018 through to the time of the world trials and she was \u201ccompletely floored\u201d.<\/p>\n
Bar a few days when she could not get out of bed, O\u2019Connor dragged herself to training with McNulty writing \u2018easy\u2019 sessions.<\/p>\n
Her mental health really suffered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI couldn\u2019t train at any intensity so it was very difficult. Even swimming easy took it out of me and again I just felt like to me at least I was going, at least I was there. But it was hard, really hard because I just knew I wasn\u2019t doing anything I needed to do.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you think about it rest, eating well, sleeping well \u2013 all of these things are so important but you have to be really healthy to train to get those adaptations \u2013 you need to really push your body.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy body was in no fit state to push it \u2013 I could barely get out of bed, I was really rough. I knew deep down I\u2019m not going to make any gains or anything so I felt very frustrated, very trapped \u2013 the thing I love, my job, I\u2019m not able to do so it was hard, really hard. I\u2019m not surprised I struggled.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
There were some heart-to-heart conversations with McNulty \u2013 who with her parents provided a shield of protection \u2013 and no little soul searching.<\/p>\n
Once she had come through the worst of it, O\u2019Connor made the incredibly tough decision to leave Bath and move to Loughborough to train under\u00a0Dave Hemmings<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 and be reunited with Renshaw.<\/p>\n
She said:<\/p>\n
\u201cIt gave me a different \u00a0perspective once I came out the other side and I know it\u2019s really cliched but what doesn\u2019t kill you really makes you stronger.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think there were lots of reasons why I felt down and why I felt in a really bad place.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was going through a lot physically and I felt really helpless and obviously my mental health was going to be in a bad place. I think what I have realised is that I am far more self aware and I know myself a lot better because of what I\u2019ve faced.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Despite her lack of training and the physical and mental battle she had fought, O\u2019Connor finished seventh at the 2019<\/strong> World Championships<\/strong> in Gwangju, South Korea.<\/p>\n
Then came the move to Loughborough to train for what may well be her final Olympics \u2013 although she is not sure what her plans will be given she is loving being in the water and her motivation great.<\/p>\n
Elite Athletes At The Peak Of Human Performance<\/strong><\/p>\n
$\"Siobhan-Marie$
Siobhan O’Connor: Photo Courtesy: MIKE LEWIS \/ ISL<\/p><\/div>\n
By the time Tokyo comes around in July 2021, O\u2019Connor will have been on the British senior team for 10 years.<\/p>\n
A long time to have been an elite athlete \u2013 a person who represents the peak of human performance.<\/p>\n
Last week she posted on social media about being \u201ccompletely infuriated\u201d at not being \u201cin control of her own body\u201d and with O\u2019Connor there are times when her body is the antithesis.<\/a><\/p>\n
\u201cI think that\u2019s something I\u2019ve had to come to terms with.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe thing that gave me strength was that even when I was really, really poorly back in 2011 I still managed to make an Olympic team and I\u2019ve still done amazing things despite my colitis.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s times when I\u2019m healthy and I can get great training and that\u2019s great, it gives me confidence that it doesn\u2019t always get the better of me.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is ridiculously hard but then the number of athletes I know that have long-term injuries and things like that where it\u2019s similar. Everyone has that thing that they go through in their career.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is really frustrating \u2013 it\u2019s probably been the biggest bane of my swimming career but it is something that has made me really tough as well.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s what makes me me, I can\u2019t change it. I just have to accept it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think before Rio I was always scared to talk about it because I was massively embarrassed about it especially with the symptoms being what they are.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut then after I won the medal there were a few articles that were posted about it and they got a bit of traction.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll the hype around the Olympics at the time and I had hundreds and hundreds of lovely messages from people with colitis and from the friends of colitis community and it blew me away. It was amazing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI absolutely love being a friends of colitis ambassador since then because it\u2019s such an amazing community.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe stories that I\u2019ve heard and I realised at that point there\u2019s no way I should feel embarrassed about it because the thing with colitis and Crohn\u2019s is that people do feel embarrassed about it and they don\u2019t talk about it and they don\u2019t get the diagnosis.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey deal with all these things internally.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you go through a flare because no-one can see it you basically feel like you have to battle it yourself. When that happened to me last year and I said I felt isolated these are all things people do feel when they go through flares and bad times with colitis.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is the worst thing you can do \u2013 bottle it up \u2013 and I have realised you have to talk about it and you have to tell those around you how you feel. Your parents, your friends, you family. For me it was also my coach Dave and my doctor: I had to be really open and honest otherwise I would have been in an even worse place.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess what I am trying to say is being open and honest about it and talking about my experience helps other people and that makes me feel proud.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I am helping other people by talking about it that makes me feel good and hearing other people talk about it makes me feel good as well like it mirrors strength sharing your story and making it more visible.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is hard \u2013 it doesn\u2019t must affect your physical health it affects your mental health as well just because of the nature of the disease and so people really do need not to not deal with it on their own because it\u2019s a really tough thing to deal with.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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