﻿{"id":413669,"date":"2020-02-03T13:14:20","date_gmt":"2020-02-03T20:14:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/?p=413669"},"modified":"2020-02-03T14:31:55","modified_gmt":"2020-02-03T21:31:55","slug":"2020s-vision-swimming-culture-a-really-useful-parents-guide-to-swim-meets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-swimming-culture-a-really-useful-parents-guide-to-swim-meets\/","title":{"rendered":"2020s Vision &#8211; Swimming Culture: A (Really Useful) Parents&#8217; Guide to Swim Meets"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Mary Dowling,\u00a0Head Age Group Coach at\u00a0Nations Capital Swim Club<\/strong>, on what parents need to know when it comes to knowing what their children want from them at a swim meet:\u00a0\u201cLove me and support me and my teammates &#8211; and that is it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Recently I asked my swimmers what they wanted their parents to do at a swim meet.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Although they said it in many different ways, here is the consensus of their simple but honest responses:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>I want my parents to cheer for me and my friends, but not too loud.<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t want my parents to ask me if I am nervous because that makes me nervous.<\/li>\n<li>I want my parents to time (volunteer).<\/li>\n<li>I want my parents to pack good snacks.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>What struck me about this list was that your kids think your job as a parent at a swim meet is easy.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Help out on deck, pack good snacks and just enjoy watching him\/her do something he\/she loves.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>None of the kids asked to be videotaped or timed by their parents.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<li>No swimmer asked for their parents to check in on them before or after their swims.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<li>No kids asked for their parents to give them tips or instructions for their races.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These kids were sending a message loud and clear:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cLove me and support me and my teammates &#8211; and that is it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>As a coach, I know that parents want the best for their swimmer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>They want to provide the shoulder when things don\u2019t go well and the loudest applause when things do.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>But the truth is, most parents go overboard and forget that when a bad swim happens, and it will happen, many times, all they need to do is say:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cToo bad, what did your coach say for next time?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Parents can be disappointed for their swimmer but should never be disappointed in their swimmer.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<p>Trust me as a former swimmer and longtime coach, your swimmer is disappointed enough for the both you.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Let the coach handle the, \u201cwhat next?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Let them talk to your swimmer about what they could do differently next time and\/or every day in practice.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>You just always respond with, \u201cGreat job\u201d, \u201cToo bad\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d\u2026 but always follow that with: \u201cWhat did your coach say?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I know that this message is a tough one because every parent wants to shield their child from disappointment but it is one that will allow your swimmer to take ownership of his\/her swimming and leave the disappointments at the pool each day. <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I once heard <strong>John Leonard <\/strong>(just-retired Executive Director of the <strong>American Swim Coaches Association<\/strong>) talk about asking his swim parents what made them who they are.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>His point was that most people would admit that they are who they are because of some disappointment or hardship along the way.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>He asks his swimmer\u2019s parents:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cWhy would a parent take those \u201clessons\u201d away from their child?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Disappointments happen in sports and in life and our job as parents and as coaches is to help kids to grow up strong enough and with the right armor to get through those times.<\/p>\n<p>When parents mix parenting with coaching they often walk a fine line because the two jobs require a different eye.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>A parent<\/strong> must love and support their children while guiding them to make good decisions and develop strong values.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong>A coach<\/strong> must teach children the skills they will need to reach their highest potential as an athlete and to handle the ups and downs of the sport.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong>As a team<\/strong>, the parent and the coach can work together to help the child to grow up to be a confident, capable, curious, kind and productive person.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Coaches and their parents can be important people in a child\u2019s life and in the end isn\u2019t that what kids need, people they can count on unconditionally as well as people they can look up to for guidance and support?<\/p>\n<p>As a coach when I talk about a swimmer who is \u201cthe total package\u201d I consider that package as:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Talent<\/li>\n<li>Work ethic\/Commitment<\/li>\n<li>Leadership ability \u2013 either through words and\/or actions<\/li>\n<li>Family dynamics \u2013 are the parents supportive but not interfering<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>I feel that if a swimmer is missing a part of the package then his\/her chances of surviving what can be a grueling, sometimes solitary and always time-consuming sport is hampered.<\/p>\n<p>So parents, show up, make sure your child knows that you are proud of him\/her, let him\/her hear you brag about his\/her accomplishments or hard work, be there for him\/her in good times and in bad as a cheer leader.<\/p>\n<p>We, coaches will be grateful to you.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>We will use you as an example of what we look for in a swim team parent.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Your child will be grateful too and most likely, he\/she will thrive.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/category\/2020s-vision-for-the-decade-ahead\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">2020s Vision<\/a>:<\/h3>\n<p>In this first quarter of the new decade and 2020, Swimming World will consider the following themes in our new series:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>The Athlete Voice <\/strong><em>(a theme that will run throughout the year)<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>Swimming Culture \u2013 what is it?<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Gender Vs Sex: a waking nightmare for women\u2019s sport?<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><strong>The Athlete Voice:<\/strong><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-the-athlete-voice-matt-biondis-mission-to-enrich-educate-swimmers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Matt Biondi\u2019s Mission To Enrich &amp; Educate Swimmers<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-the-athlete-voice-alliance-not-union-aims-to-take-isl-model-to-multi-sports-games-of-magic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u2018Alliance\u2019 Not \u2018Union\u2019 Aims To Take ISL Model To Multi-Sports \u2018Games Of Magic\u2019<\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"alternate selected\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-athlete-voice-needs-coach-voice-of-experience-reason-objectivity-says-rudd\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span class=\"item-title\">Athlete Voice Needs Coach Voice Of Experience, Reason, Objectivity, Says Rudd<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-athlete-voice-lessons-from-pro-sports-as-swimmers-frame-their-future\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span class=\"item-title\">\u00a0Lessons From Pro-Sports As Swimmers Frame Their Future<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Swimming Culture:<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/2020s-vision-dr-shane-gould-on-swimming-culture-after-a-lifetime-of-learning\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Shane Gould On Swimming Culture After A Lifetime Of Learning<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Do you have a contribution to make, a topic to suggest within the frame of the themes we are looking at this quarter? Your views on any theme can be left in the comments field at the foot of any article, while those who want to reach out with suggestions to the editorial team can contact us at editorial@swimmingworld.com.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mary Dowling,\u00a0Head Age Group Coach at\u00a0Nations Capital Swim Club, on what parents need to know when it comes to knowing what their children want from them at a swim meet:\u00a0\u201cLove<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5440,"featured_media":104771,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,120592,17,1],"tags":[185,55236,120988,120987,53284,120986,120984,120985,120989],"class_list":["post-413669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-2020s-vision-for-the-decade-ahead","category-commentary","category-uncategorized","tag-coach","tag-coaches","tag-good-snacks","tag-head-age-group-coach-at-nations-capital-swim-club","tag-love","tag-mary-dowling","tag-parent","tag-parents-guide-to-swim-meet","tag-thats-it"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\r\n<title>2020s Vision - Swimming Culture: A (Really Useful) Parents&#039; 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