{"id":195111,"date":"2016-04-14T18:00:40","date_gmt":"2016-04-15T01:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/?p=195111"},"modified":"2016-04-13T15:45:37","modified_gmt":"2016-04-13T22:45:37","slug":"an-unorthodox-place-to-call-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/an-unorthodox-place-to-call-home\/","title":{"rendered":"An Unorthodox Place to Call Home"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Katie Willis, Swimming World College Intern<\/em><\/p>\n

The smell of latex is strong and my lungs are about to burst. My muscles are ripped and torn down. I can feel the joints holding my shoulder in place pop with each short extension. The straps of this damn $400 suit are burrowing into the curve of my collarbone. I\u2019m here regretting getting two sizes too small as the pressure makes it hard to breathe. I look around, seeing girls with bigger biceps, bigger thighs, and even bigger egos. \u00a0They all look at me with a certain disgust as we all step up to the block. I take my place in the center lane. Arms frantically moving, legs shaking.<\/p>\n

\u201cStep up.\u201d<\/p>\n

My heart is racing.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake your mark.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fingers curled over the edge. Waiting on that dragged out beep to sound. I swear I\u2019ve done this too many times to count. This repetitive process. Practically destroying my body. All for that silly goal time. That time that seems almost ungraspable. That\u2019s what keeps my body moving.<\/p>\n

I was never confident in my abilities as a swimmer. I don\u2019t think I was ever confident about anything. As far as I can remember, I\u2019ve always been a timid person who cared too much about what people thought. I\u2019ve always had this paranoia and it often surfaces before my races. Never in my life have I stood up there, cap and googles on, thinking:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to win.\u201d<\/p>\n

More often it\u2019s a series of oh no\u2019s or oh god\u2019s. You\u2019d think at one point you would know what to expect and just get over those fears, but I seem to be an exception to the rule.<\/p>\n

\"goggle-clean-prerace-galat-ncaas-2016\"

Photo Courtesy: Annie Grevers<\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cYou need to relax.\u201d<\/p>\n

Relax was never in my vocabulary. Standing up on that block with my hands pressing my goggles into my eyes with a sigh. Staring down at the still water, all while your mind goes blank. There is a split second between the start and submersion into the water. You don\u2019t have time to think, your body takes over. I can\u2019t remember any of my races almost as if I wasn\u2019t even there.<\/p>\n

And when it\u2019s all over, you look at that score board and in that moment your eyes glaze over that time, you know. You know how you could\u2019ve done better, knowing that you may screwed up something along the way, and knowing that you can never swim that particular race ever again.<\/p>\n

Simply taking my mistakes, telling myself each day, \u201cTomorrow I\u2019ll be stronger\u201d<\/p>\n

I believe that some may misunderstand swimming to be an individual sport; it\u2019s a team sport. You don\u2019t swim for yourself, you swim for your team. A swim team is like a family. We, a group of somewhat awkward individuals, whom all share a similar passion and love.<\/p>\n

On the last day of conference, it was Valentine\u2019s Day and I cried.<\/p>\n

Because of those damn nerves, because I doubted myself. I couldn\u2019t hit that time. I had three tries that day, and I failed all three. I remember dragging myself out of the pool after my last race. Sitting there, feeling rather defeated as the tears began to swell in my eyes. The other racers finish and my teammates rush over. Touching my face, stroking my arms, all while I feel the imminent crying spill out. Me, having done so well that weekend, having scored a lot of points for my team, was sitting there crying about one stupid race.<\/p>\n

My teammates lifted me to my feet, embracing me.\u00a0Telling me that \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that was when those tears of failure turned to those of love. Love for my teammates, for individuals who have cared for me more than anyone has ever. And so I stand up on that first place podium with a smile, looking down at my teammates who cheer and smile back. All while thinking that this experience is worthwhile and how lucky I am. Realizing that my teammates are the best people I\u2019ve ever met in these 19 years. For once knowing this feeling of belonging.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s funny to think that when I was younger people would tell me college would be where I would meet the people that would stay with me forever, and I\u2019m finally starting the believe that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Katie Willis, Swimming World College Intern The smell of latex is strong and my lungs are about to burst. My muscles are ripped and torn down. 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