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{"id":192249,"date":"2016-04-01T14:00:56","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T21:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/?p=192249"},"modified":"2016-03-31T14:16:27","modified_gmt":"2016-03-31T21:16:27","slug":"what-even-is-a-swammer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swimmingworldmagazine.com\/news\/what-even-is-a-swammer\/","title":{"rendered":"What Even Is A Swammer?"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Cathleen Pruden, Swimming World College Intern<\/em><\/p>\n

According to urban dictionary<\/a>, a swammer is \u201ca person who used to swim, but has either quit, or retired from the sport.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I thought I was a swammer. <\/span><\/p>\n

It only lasted for 100 hours, though. <\/span><\/p>\n

Saturday I ended my collegiate career with a lackluster 1650 at Division III NCAAs. Sunday morning I went out on top, setting a lifetime best time in a long course 400 IM. That night I flew back to school, unpacked my bags, and sobbed when I took out my NCAA trophy. Swimming has always been about so much more than the tangible rewards, but seeing the last one was a painful recognition of the end I\u2019ve come to.<\/p>\n

Monday morning I couldn\u2019t think of a good reason to get out of bed. Eventually I did, and I faked my way through the day. I turned in my athletic department issued gear and cried again.<\/p>\n

Tuesday and Wednesday got moderately better, but my thoughts still wandered and the tears still flowed.<\/p>\n

Thursday, 100 hours after I\u2019d climbed out of that 400 IM and thrown my goggles in the air, in celebration of skipping warm down, I jumped back in the pool. Forty-five yards into the swim, I felt my mood elevating, and I had a thought, \u201cWhat even is a swammer, anyways?\u201d<\/p>\n

At the 75, my underwater was long and easy. I knew what a swammer was. It\u2019s something I will never be. I\u2019ll always be a swimmer. Being a swimmer is not defined by my NCAA eligibility, nor my USA Swimming registration. Being a swimmer is something more.<\/p>\n

That underwater is something I worked so long to learn. It was something that was continually forgotten in the stress of a race. I relaxed, and it flourished. With that, I was reassured that I\u2019m not done with this sport. By the 100 I noticed my speed was building. I let myself build that first 200 yards because <\/span>it felt good<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I stopped after a mere two minutes, my smile was the biggest it had been since Sunday, when I ate ice cream for the first time in two months. I was happy again. My happiness was the water. It was the feeling of the tiles on the bottom of my feet. It was the feeling of my pesky right hand <\/span>still <\/span><\/i>sweeping out when it needed to pull down. It was the noise the water made around me–a crashing and a rushing I hadn\u2019t appreciated in my final weeks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Am I still sad? Absolutely. My identity as a student-athlete has been torn apart. I\u2019ll never get to represent my wonderful school again. I won\u2019t suffer through another training trip. I\u2019ll never have a connection this deep with another group of teammates.<\/p>\n

But, am I a swammer? No. When I dove back in the pool, I was no longer empty. The chlorine filled the void, and I was some version of me again. For even just a few minutes, I was at peace. <\/span><\/p>\n

For some of us, the passion is too great to ever give up. We\u2019ll never be swammers. We\u2019re still swimmers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"