How to Help a Teammate Deal With Loss

How to Help a Teammate Deal With Loss

By Alyssa Blair, Swimming World Intern

Loss is a vague word that describes countless things for different people. It can describe trivial and tangible objects we misplace, or it can define a tragedy that will change the shape of a life. When it is the latter, we look for support and lean on those closest to us in these hard times. For swimmers, that support system tends to be our team, our friends who we spend countless hours with at our most vulnerable moments in both practice and competition. During the pandemic, so many people are experiencing loss on so many different levels for the first time. Here’s how to help a teammate navigate the confusing path of loss, whether it be their first time or not.

Ask, Don’t Assume

Your teammates and friends are people you know well. Maybe you think you’ll know what they need since you know them so well, but experiencing a deep loss can cause unexplainable feelings and cause people to not be themselves. Instead of assuming you know what it is they want or need, ask them. Even if you end up being right in the end, it’s always better to ask, because assuming what they need could have the opposite effect you intended.

Offer Support In Any Way Possible

Sometimes they’ll need a shoulder to cry on, other times they’ll need someone to sit there while they yell. Everyone processes grief differently, so don’t judge their process. Be what they need you to be, even if it’s slightly uncomfortable. As long as it’s appropriate, be what they need you to be for each point of their processing.

Let Them Know You’re Thinking of Them

If it’s been a while since you reached out to them, or you know it’s a hard time like an anniversary or a birthday, send a card or a text. Give them a call and just chat for a few minutes. Remind them you’re there, and you have them in your thoughts. Make sure they’re doing okay. Maybe they need something you can help them with that can make their life easier in some way. Actions speak louder than words.

Don’t Make It About You

Loss is hard for those who experience it, but also for those who care about them. No one likes seeing someone they care about in pain or sad or upset. Don’t let that cloud your judgement. This time is not about you. As harsh as it sounds, it is this person’s grief and loss. Unless you experienced the same loss they did, unless it was a team loss, you don’t know what they’re going through.

When They’re Ready, Plan An Enjoyable Activity

Always check with them first, and when they give you the go-ahead, plan an enjoyable activity that will get them out of the house and bring them back into the world. It’ll hopefully put a smile on their face and take their mind off of things that they’re thinking about. Getting out for a while will mean more to them than you know, and a moment of self-care surrounded by those who care about them could be just what they need.

Loss will hit when you least expect it. It will change the people you know. It’s scary, unpredictable, and bleak. It’s a journey that can be lonely and bitter. Yet every journey has an end. With help from teammates and support from friends, you’ll reach the end of that difficult time and find a new lease on life.

All commentaries are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Swimming World Magazine nor its staff.

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