Time to Laugh: 8 Things You Shouldn’t Do on Taper

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Time to Laugh: 8 Things You Shouldn’t Do on Taper

By Morgan Pestorius

Taper is the most wonderful time of the year, and it serves as the best excuse for why you can’t do anything except lay around and watch Netflix. Just print out this article and carry it around to use as a get out of jail free card!

1. Take Out the Trash

During taper, you don’t have to take the garbage out at night when the monsters can come and get you. That would be way too much energy, and also very dangerous. Thanks taper for saving my life.

2. Shovel the Driveway

shovel

With all these winter snowstorms, your parents will be asking you to bundle up and shovel the driveway. Thanks to taper, you can stay inside with the hot chocolate while your siblings freeze outside.

3. Participate in Gym Class

Dodgeball

Swimmers are already the most uncoordinated athletes on the face of the earth. The last thing you need is to attempt to play soccer and end up twisting your ankle the day before your championship meet. It’ll be safer just to sit out for a few classes.

4. Carry Groceries

groceries

In a swimmer household, there are plenty of groceries to satisfy their insatiable appetites, which means there are lots of groceries to unload from the car. Usually you would have to unload it because it is your food, but now your family has to carry the full load.

5. Take the Stairs

stairs

Why take stairs when elevators are available? That energy you save could be what gets you a best time in your race.

6. Save Kittens from Trees

mr incredible

As much as you want to be just like Mr. Incredible (ripping a tree out of the ground and shaking a cat from its branches), that just takes too much energy.

7. Help Old Ladies Cross the Street

street

You can’t risk breaking taper by walking that extra block to help grandma cross the street. Best save that for the boy scouts.

8. Do homework

Photo Courtesy: Johannes Jansson

Photo Courtesy: Johannes Jansson

Swimming is half mental, so you need to rest your brain to make sure you are sharp. You need to be worrying about racing strategies, not derivatives. Okay…maybe you shouldn’t quit homework.

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Stephen A. Gomez Perez

Sean Pearson

Jen Denning Martelle
9 years ago

Lol

Peggy Price
9 years ago

This just isn’t feasible for a 13 year old!!

Patti Wenig Miller
9 years ago

Yvonne Wilkins—may want to post this for our high schoolers!!!

Jayne Knoer Mouzakis
9 years ago

Abygail Mouzakis.
Wait! I should have read article first!

Abygail Mouzakis
9 years ago

Hahan that sucks. Have fun doing my chores!

Dave Joensen
Dave Joensen
9 years ago

Haha Aby – I’m onto you.

Jayne Knoer Mouzakis
9 years ago

Piper Swindler Marquis. Please show Chloe

Dave Joensen
Dave Joensen
9 years ago

No funny stuff, Chloe

Andreas Attila Stenberg

Brage Hveding Ersdal Tom Olav Bellikka nr. 5!

Laurie Peterson Plese
9 years ago

Andrew Plese

Austin Cheok
9 years ago

Justin Cheok

Derrek Amidon
9 years ago

Kaden Amidon

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Tom Olav Bellikka
9 years ago

Kaia Celine Hylland

Kaia Celine Hylland
9 years ago

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Dawn Motta
9 years ago

Sandy Armstrong Barrett Kelly Flannigan Soh grace agrees wholeheartedly!

Katie Genty
9 years ago

Jamie Kolar Emily George i’m dying

Emily George
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Genty

Ahhh nope can’t do any of it!!! Haha

Betsy Beddow
9 years ago

There is still cooking and house work

Betsy Beddow
9 years ago

HaHa!!

Sammy Marceddo
9 years ago

I like this kind of taper! Thomas Ramsay, Ciaran Plenty, Tomas Muller Ally Ashley

Ciaran Plenty
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

Also: cleaning up dog poo & unstacking the dishwasher… wouldn’t want to accidentally strain your lower back.

Sammy Marceddo
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

Nope wouldn’t want that

Ciaran Plenty
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

Hanging out the washing also has the potential to wear out those all important shoulder muscles.

Sammy Marceddo
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

I think just exiting bed is a bad idea

Ciaran Plenty
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

Oh no, no… might get bed sores.

Ciaran Plenty
9 years ago
Reply to  Sammy Marceddo

I should write a book for hypochondriacs.

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Max Bock
9 years ago

Tim Sucki Klemens Degenhardt wichtig

Vilde Hveding Ersdal
9 years ago

Lina Maria Gundersen Matilde Lyngstad hahah nr.3 og nr.5

Katie Genty
9 years ago

Jamie Kolar Emily George i’m dying

Emily George
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Genty

Ahhh nope can’t do any of it!!! Haha

Katie Genty
9 years ago

Jamie Kolar Emily George i’m dying

Emily George
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Genty

Ahhh nope can’t do any of it!!! Haha

Katie Genty
9 years ago

Jamie Kolar Emily George i’m dying

Emily George
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Genty

Ahhh nope can’t do any of it!!! Haha

Erin McGill
9 years ago

Sammy Steigerwald, take note

Erin McGill
9 years ago

Sammy Steigerwald, take note

Heather Malzahn Roff
9 years ago

Bram haha!

Erin McGill
9 years ago

Sammy Steigerwald, take note

Duncan Gordon
9 years ago

Matthew Forbus

Andrea Novey
9 years ago

Jake Ores

Jake Ores
9 years ago
Reply to  Andrea Novey

Especially number 8

Brandon Simpson
9 years ago

Ha

Kim McJannett
9 years ago

Carl Wilson / it wasn’t Lily’s fault – she didn’t have to take out the trash !!!!

Noelle Tolbert
9 years ago

I laughed out loud about them being uncoordinated in gym. My daughter can trip walking on a completely flat surface.

Carl Wilson
9 years ago

Taper or no taper it seems my kids don’t think they need to participate in day to day house duties that are deemed beneath them
In fact they don’t do anything even when asked 10 times and at that point as it escalates to a point of no return they say “you don’t understand”

I understand that children need to do their bit too!

Patrick Cox
9 years ago

Jeremy Limson Mitchell Mages

Mitchell Mages
9 years ago
Reply to  Patrick Cox

I like that last one 🙂

Jeremy Limson
9 years ago
Reply to  Patrick Cox

There’s one thing that’s not on this list and I’m glad it’s not… 😉

Mitchell Mages
9 years ago
Reply to  Patrick Cox

OH GOD

Katie Hauser
9 years ago

Addison Peitz Adrienne Kusek Joseph Kelly Brodrick Emanuel Layne Uecker Brianna Geigle soooo…not doing anything physical or mental for the next month

Addison Peitz
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Hauser

Im showing my mom this….now..

Brodrick Emanuel
9 years ago
Reply to  Katie Hauser

It’s so true

Merete Toft Jensen
9 years ago

Helena Rosendahl Bach

Melissa Saum Nasrallah

Lexi Nasrallah

Tori Nasrallah
9 years ago

Lexi Nasrallah everyday

Melissa Saum Nasrallah

YYYYEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!

David Čustić
9 years ago

Petar Galić David Salamon Mark David Lovro Draginić evo decki ahahah

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