Commentary: Swimming, AAPI Identity and Mental Health in a Time of Change

The author, second from left, at the 2016 USAS Convention; Photo Courtesy: Quinn Bunnag

Commentary: Swimming, AAPI Identity and Mental Health in a Time of Change

Commentary – By Quinn Bunnag

As we head into the fourth quarter of the pandemic, it is safe to say we are transitioning into a time of change. The world we knew before COVID-19 will never be the same. The pandemic brought out our demons, as we face horrors such as a rise in gun violence accounting for 20,000 deaths in 2020, an increase in hate crimes against Asians of nearly 150 percent and a reckoning with systemic police brutality.

But there is a mental health component to it all, which is where I focus my energy. May was AAPI History Month, and I am compelled to share my experience with the issues the Asian American community faces.

My parents met in Oklahoma City while they were attending graduate school. Eventually, they decided to call Oklahoma home. My younger brother and I have lived in Oklahoma our whole lives, and we occasionally visit Thailand during the summer. During my childhood, I wasn’t in tune with the Bunnag family’s history as it related to the Royal Family of Thailand, mainly because my parents wanted us to live our own lives and not feel burdened to “chase the ghosts” of the past. The pinnacle of my family history came when the most prominent figure, Chuang Bunnag, took over the country as regent until the fifth king, Chulalongkorn, had come of age. It wasn’t until my gap year in 2018 that I learned the full extent of my family history and came to appreciate my heritage.

Generations later, my parents arrived in the U.S. as immigrants. It was a bold decision to move there, especially for my dad, considering his family’s history. My grandpa married my grandma, whose resided outside of Bangkok, which then was a big deal because there was a tradition in place that limited whom he could marry. When he broke that tradition, it allowed freedom for my father to live his own life.

My father has told me countless times about how he immigrated to Oklahoma. He had just graduated from university before taking the first flight of his life across the Pacific. He barely knew how to speak English, so he worked with a tutor work for a month to learn basic dialogue. He started over from scratch. Now, through hard work and perseverance, he’s living out his American Dream as a co-founder, board member and principal of Valir Health.

My passion for sports started when I was eight years old and continues to be influential today. When it comes to mental toughness, the thrill of competing in a high-stakes environment gives me a feeling like no other. Nothing is given. It must be earned. The sport of swimming has done so much for me personally, as I’ve been able to foster many relationships and create some of the best moments of my life.

Until my gap year, swimming had also been my therapy. When I dive into the icy pool in the morning, it feels like entering a different world. I was able to disconnect from the real world for the solitude of my thoughts. If I was frustrated or upset, I would use it to fuel my workout or competition. For whatever reason, my best performances came when I was in that zone. When I was 11 years old, my father was seriously injured in a fatal car accident. The fear and trauma of that incident stuck with me, though I didn’t get any sort of treatment to cope with it. Swimming was an outlet to make my parents proud and work through my struggles. I think that event inspired me take my swim career more seriously and shaped my swim career. Now when I think of the accident, I just remind myself to appreciate the little things and not get bogged down in meaningless drama.

When it comes to my AAPI identity, I wouldn’t consider myself a stereotypical Asian. I’m not a math genius. Unintentionally, my friend groups don’t include many people of Thai descent. It did bother me in high school, since most people that age just want to fit in and be “normal.” I felt like I had a major identity crisis my gap year, and I knew I surprised a lot of my peers by choosing not to pursue swimming in college. As I’ve gotten older, I have learned to appreciate my differences and slowly come out of my shell to engage with my heritage.

When I moved on to the next chapter of my life, I had to reinvent myself. Mental health is a field I am passionate about, and that motivates me to get more involved with the issues in my community. It started with just wanting to help solve an issue on campus, regarding a racial incident in February of 2020. I never imagined it getting to the stage we are today.

After many false starts, the opportunity to partner with the Bandana Project arose as they were starting their Bandana Project 2.0 campaign. The project serves as a mental health awareness and suicide prevention program implemented at more than 40 college campuses. The program gives students and staff a lime green bandana to tie to their backpacks to show that they carry mental health and suicide prevention resources and can direct people to The Bandana Project website, for more resources or information on starting a chapter.

I felt that the Bandana Project was the perfect organization to connect with because their values fit what I had discussed with friends, faculty, and staff members. We have grown together, and I am looking forward to what the future holds with this group. In April, I was the subject of a racially-motivated incident with another student on campus. (I am choosing not to get into the specifics of the incident to avoid giving this student attention). The incident was handled swiftly as I was able to de-escalate the situation at hand. Honestly, I was just lucky the individual didn’t seem to have malicious intent. That experience made me think about what other members of the Asian community have been facing the past year, and my heart goes out to the families affected by these horrible acts of cowardice.

All my energy and focus are on what I can control, which is my attitude and ability to find lasting, proactive solutions. I lend my support by taking action to uplift the entire community. I serve as an ambassador for the Bandana Project and will be the president of the student-led mental health awareness organization OUr Mental Health in the fall. OUr Mental Health will add a Bandana Project position next semester.

OUr Mental Health will start a fundraising event in October for under-served communities that lack access to mental health resources. It’s an issue that affects everyone, which is why we need to band together as a community.

As my focus on my identity and on the mental health challenges of my community have converged in the last year, I am proud to say that I am Thai and that I am an American — but we can always be better.

— Quinn Bunnag is a student at the University of Oklahoma. He was a junior national swimmer with American Energy Swim Club, Highlander Aquatic Club, and Casady School. He has represented Oklahoma at the local and national level as the Oklahoma Athlete Representative from 2016-18. A version of this story appeared in the OU Daily.

All commentaries are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Swimming World Magazine, the International Swimming Hall of Fame, nor its staff.

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